Hey people, been a while i know but went through a depression, then a marriage(hold up not mine my dear parents-details for when you call me for coffee) and lost a dear cousin almost like a sister. That explains my absences condolences can be sent by way of direct deposit to my bank account that you will get when leave your phone number with me.Onto business then.
I need me a man. You heard right i need me a man, okay am kidding(not because am in a relationship), who needs a man with technological advancements to pleasure women a.k.a dildos and gay male pals-a great package. What i need is a saving account.
Ladies you will agree that even the smartest of us lack that financial discipline-you just have to get those shoes, buy that icecream or deposit on that dress. For that major reason, i need a savings account and not the kind banks offer. I need me a man who is a big spender a.k.a Savings account.I have heard ladies say they got their own and more power to them but i like the ladies who got their own and some of his too. Where did all this madness come from, scroll on-its story time.
I recently went to visit a friend's sister. She lives alone in a nice apartment-which she pays for by herself and she works but she is planning to buy a house of her own soon, at age 25.How? Well she has a savings account, the real one with the bank and a SAVINGS ACCOUNT a.k.a a man. I observed her conversations on phone during the few times i visited. They went to the tune of honey, i have no rice, i have no sugar, my paycheck is late and they want to cut off my electricity, honey can you imagine the water went, baby i hate to bother you but Dstv.
Basically all her utility and food bills were taken care off by honey. I inquired how long she had been dating Honey and she said a year. Now i did economics but even if you can only grasp simple maths you can definitely make out that this girl is saving a whole load of cash money.
Where does her salary go to then apart from rent which am sure honey helps her out with once in while,well she does look impeccable and dress well and is buying a house soon.
Now that you know the story don't you agree that all ladies need a savings account by the way not spending translates to saving in economics so lets get on with the not spending at least not spending our own earnings. Men you will forgive me but the bible does say that man shall provideth.
Wine glass in hand) CHEERS TO ALL THE SAVING ACCOUNTS OUT THERE, WE LOVE YOU, OKAY I LOVE YOU
Monday
NO THANX TO THE BEYONCE EXTENSIONS
I am tired of my hair. Ladies you will testify that we all reach that point where you have weaved, braided, styled, cut, regrown, done the nappy natural thing and still end up being tired of your hair. I reached that stage last weekend but cutting was no option. Why? Well when you have prayed for your hair to grow like i have YOU DON'T CUT IT OFF sometimes even cutting off of the tips kills me though i know its beneficial. So yeah am at the salon i don't want to wash and set nor do i want to plait, we have established cutting was out of the question and with this heat i was definitely not doing the weaving. My stylist's solution...glue in extension...they allow your hair to grow, allow u to change your look temporarily and are user friendly. I am so impressed with her and in my mind i make a mental note to tip, then comes the choosing of the weave and obviously i can't do a short hair do coz of the cutting and her solution...Beyonce extensions. Remember when i made the mental note to tip..yeah how about cancelled. Let me tell you why :
One am Milan not Beyonce. I know i know very evident and trivial but the hair is already human hair so i know it came from some poor south american or Asian dead person. I can get over the fact that a dead person's hair is on my head because its not like the packet of hair has 'sensational hair maria theresa santos or Ai-ting .But i come to the salon for a change a different individual look and you whip out Beyonce style so that what? everyone can know i copied her hairstyle.Its not like you can compete with Beyonce am sure she has ruined many women's self esteems well except when it comes to Jay-z doubt anyone would want those lips well except Beyonce why well thats a topic for another day back to me(see the me aspect me me me my look not BE-YON-CE!)
Secondly glue in extensions are the most hectic hairstyle i have ever come across..spray this and don't do this and make an appointment for 2 weeks..its just like maintaining my real hair expect this time its longer and more time and money consuming. I came to the saloon coz i was tired and needed rest not something to make me more tired. I know what your thinking wrong place try the spa but come on you gotta see my point.
Thirdly it would be kind of ridiculous for me to walk around with beyonce extensions with my non glamorous life style..really it is like a priest having a mohawk, i would not trust them with my life let alone my soul.
Well after all the above swerving around in my head i got up from the consult told her i would be back and 4 days later am writing this. What am i doing with my hair...well i figured i would start my own style the milan look.. de-shoveled, straight out bed, run you fingers through your hair and if your really embarrassed a nice scarf wrap will do look.
One am Milan not Beyonce. I know i know very evident and trivial but the hair is already human hair so i know it came from some poor south american or Asian dead person. I can get over the fact that a dead person's hair is on my head because its not like the packet of hair has 'sensational hair maria theresa santos or Ai-ting .But i come to the salon for a change a different individual look and you whip out Beyonce style so that what? everyone can know i copied her hairstyle.Its not like you can compete with Beyonce am sure she has ruined many women's self esteems well except when it comes to Jay-z doubt anyone would want those lips well except Beyonce why well thats a topic for another day back to me(see the me aspect me me me my look not BE-YON-CE!)
Secondly glue in extensions are the most hectic hairstyle i have ever come across..spray this and don't do this and make an appointment for 2 weeks..its just like maintaining my real hair expect this time its longer and more time and money consuming. I came to the saloon coz i was tired and needed rest not something to make me more tired. I know what your thinking wrong place try the spa but come on you gotta see my point.
Thirdly it would be kind of ridiculous for me to walk around with beyonce extensions with my non glamorous life style..really it is like a priest having a mohawk, i would not trust them with my life let alone my soul.
Well after all the above swerving around in my head i got up from the consult told her i would be back and 4 days later am writing this. What am i doing with my hair...well i figured i would start my own style the milan look.. de-shoveled, straight out bed, run you fingers through your hair and if your really embarrassed a nice scarf wrap will do look.
Sunday
CONSTITUTIONAL SQUARE CERTIFIED...NOT
I am not political...who am i lying to am a little political and i was very impressed by Northern Africans and Middle Easterners rising up to demand for change and have their demands meet. The wave of change is taking place through mass demonstrations in city squares. As with anything i consider admirable i ask myself can i do that, what if it were me and here goes my analysis on whether i can be that one among millions strongly standing risking limb and life for a change.
Before we go any further the gospel truth is that am a coward i can't. Now don't judge or write me off i would love to but its not in my nature. Thats right when all fails blame God or the devil..its not like someone is gonna put them on a stand to witness. I don't know who to blame for the fact that its not in my nature to strike..God or the Devil. But i will examine why am unable to act courageously and fearlessly.
COWARDS ARE US: HELLO MY NAME IS MILAN AND AM NON CONFRONTATIONAL
I can not for the love of me fight unless am seriously provoked and by seriously i mean my brother farting in my face. When arguments get heated i walk away. I can mouth off for days but if i see the other person is getting angry i will mouth of some more but once the earings come of and the fists are clenched and the Leilah Ali Stance is assumed am running as fast as my chicken knock kneed legs can carry me. Even under the influence of alcohol am sobered up by a fight be it verbal of physical somehow the signs of a fight ensuing flash the alcohol right out of my brain and alert my legs to...you know it..run or walk away.
CONCLUSCION
No am not ending my article but this is another reason am not constitutional square certified. I always draw concluscion even before events happen. I plan ahead of time and think of all possible happenings and their solutions. I will most definitely be the one discouraging my fellow strikers with facts and figures and reality checks of the army being equipped both in weaponry and manpower and how we are going to be annihilated and blown up to oblivion. My mind sees the end before the beginning and i would probably utter seemingly intelligent phrases like the end looks bloody, tugenda ffa in causal talks leading up to the strike.
SELF TALK
I am my worst enemy and best friend. I can gas myself up for anything as first as i can talk myself out of it. I am not a good candidate for suicide..that boy who blew himself up was brave. Had it been me, i would have designed the detonator with a defuse switch. I am more likely to swallow 2 or 3 valims but just before i am knocked out call emergency services and let them know i took an over dose and text my mom who i definitely know will overact that i took too many medicines. In the event of a strike i will arrive at the city square say hey and find my way home as first as i came.
BIG TALK NEVER EQUALED BIG ACTION
I am a writer, a talker, a wolokoso artist, a word-smith. I can create euphoria with my words but tell me to bring it to life...dear God! Ever wonder why great women and men's biographies are not written by themselves and if they are they are assisted? Well because they don't write or idealize about making things happens they make things happen. I can inspire thousands with my words of action but ask me to lead them hehehehehehehehe i will probably write something about finding the leader in thyself.
PROCRASTINATORS ARE US: HELLO AM MILAN AND AM A PROCRASTINATOR
I have the worst case of procrastination. Tomorrow is a day too and will always be their. I court later as if it were a lover and i think somewhere in my mind there lies a 25 hr clock. I would most definitely tell my follow strikers i will show up tomorrow, or convince them to push the strike forward...when kids are back from school, when the weather is better.
All these traits are defaults that make me uncertified for the constitutional square but never you mind because i got my words to strike for me...maybe i will pen a political satire..howz about that?
Before we go any further the gospel truth is that am a coward i can't. Now don't judge or write me off i would love to but its not in my nature. Thats right when all fails blame God or the devil..its not like someone is gonna put them on a stand to witness. I don't know who to blame for the fact that its not in my nature to strike..God or the Devil. But i will examine why am unable to act courageously and fearlessly.
COWARDS ARE US: HELLO MY NAME IS MILAN AND AM NON CONFRONTATIONAL
I can not for the love of me fight unless am seriously provoked and by seriously i mean my brother farting in my face. When arguments get heated i walk away. I can mouth off for days but if i see the other person is getting angry i will mouth of some more but once the earings come of and the fists are clenched and the Leilah Ali Stance is assumed am running as fast as my chicken knock kneed legs can carry me. Even under the influence of alcohol am sobered up by a fight be it verbal of physical somehow the signs of a fight ensuing flash the alcohol right out of my brain and alert my legs to...you know it..run or walk away.
CONCLUSCION
No am not ending my article but this is another reason am not constitutional square certified. I always draw concluscion even before events happen. I plan ahead of time and think of all possible happenings and their solutions. I will most definitely be the one discouraging my fellow strikers with facts and figures and reality checks of the army being equipped both in weaponry and manpower and how we are going to be annihilated and blown up to oblivion. My mind sees the end before the beginning and i would probably utter seemingly intelligent phrases like the end looks bloody, tugenda ffa in causal talks leading up to the strike.
SELF TALK
I am my worst enemy and best friend. I can gas myself up for anything as first as i can talk myself out of it. I am not a good candidate for suicide..that boy who blew himself up was brave. Had it been me, i would have designed the detonator with a defuse switch. I am more likely to swallow 2 or 3 valims but just before i am knocked out call emergency services and let them know i took an over dose and text my mom who i definitely know will overact that i took too many medicines. In the event of a strike i will arrive at the city square say hey and find my way home as first as i came.
BIG TALK NEVER EQUALED BIG ACTION
I am a writer, a talker, a wolokoso artist, a word-smith. I can create euphoria with my words but tell me to bring it to life...dear God! Ever wonder why great women and men's biographies are not written by themselves and if they are they are assisted? Well because they don't write or idealize about making things happens they make things happen. I can inspire thousands with my words of action but ask me to lead them hehehehehehehehe i will probably write something about finding the leader in thyself.
PROCRASTINATORS ARE US: HELLO AM MILAN AND AM A PROCRASTINATOR
I have the worst case of procrastination. Tomorrow is a day too and will always be their. I court later as if it were a lover and i think somewhere in my mind there lies a 25 hr clock. I would most definitely tell my follow strikers i will show up tomorrow, or convince them to push the strike forward...when kids are back from school, when the weather is better.
All these traits are defaults that make me uncertified for the constitutional square but never you mind because i got my words to strike for me...maybe i will pen a political satire..howz about that?
Monday
LAWD...LORD
Hi guys...been a while i know...blame it on graduation season. I have been having a swell time attending grads including mine which was well put in a local daily(to my shock and it did evoke prayers to the tune of God may the ground open n swallow up but not to end in hell maybe somewhere cool n chill in the earth is crust till this blows over).As an attendee of the grads and having qualified with a development economics degree put ma knowledge to work...i developed myself-lose dresses with food allowance space so as to consume as much food and drink as possible...i economized-i bought a dozen of(well some graduands maybe reading this so i won't say) but if u read this and find u have the same something as someone and you got it as a grad gift well....to quote shaggy "It wasn't me." Hehehehe now onto the Title topic why am i dramatically calling Lawd Lord,Okay perversion aside people.
Ever had those moments in life where you feel you are on auto pilot like you are going through the motions of things and not actually 'living'. Well i realized this when i posted events of my very personal life on Facebook without thinking and actually without feeling anything about it. It was only after looking at the event in retrospect that i was like W.T.F. I love routine it makes life a whole lot easier that routine but not when the routine manages you instead of you managing it. So why am i yelling Lawd , well i need a change...i need to stop this addiction to social media-except my blog of course that is so therapeutic-my parents are lucky coz they have a kid bright enough to blog instead of going to the coo koo fixer for obscene amounts(Lawd-why charge alot just to be a silent gossip, heck guys u can pour out to me for free but there is no client-listener privileged and no material is unworthy of a good rumor mill). I no longer dream of tea with Conddy Rice or being a fortune 500 magazine or even watch Tv(my first love/addiction) all i dream about is trending topics, status updates, pokes and inboxes. I quit the online chat but can't seem to find the inner strength to quit/lessen social media addiction hence the yell..yes its a yell.....LAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD......LOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDD Jesus take the
wheel.
Ever had those moments in life where you feel you are on auto pilot like you are going through the motions of things and not actually 'living'. Well i realized this when i posted events of my very personal life on Facebook without thinking and actually without feeling anything about it. It was only after looking at the event in retrospect that i was like W.T.F. I love routine it makes life a whole lot easier that routine but not when the routine manages you instead of you managing it. So why am i yelling Lawd , well i need a change...i need to stop this addiction to social media-except my blog of course that is so therapeutic-my parents are lucky coz they have a kid bright enough to blog instead of going to the coo koo fixer for obscene amounts(Lawd-why charge alot just to be a silent gossip, heck guys u can pour out to me for free but there is no client-listener privileged and no material is unworthy of a good rumor mill). I no longer dream of tea with Conddy Rice or being a fortune 500 magazine or even watch Tv(my first love/addiction) all i dream about is trending topics, status updates, pokes and inboxes. I quit the online chat but can't seem to find the inner strength to quit/lessen social media addiction hence the yell..yes its a yell.....LAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD......LOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDD Jesus take the
wheel.
Thursday
Sooooooo Jan 2011
Before i wrote this i had my hand on my cheek and kept adopting that pose throughout the writing of this post. So 2011 is here and the new month is here. I know, i know, u know and you could have told me that for free but what else is there to say...Okay HAPPY NEW YEAR. The slowness and uneventful nature of the first lines of this post is exactly what Jan 2011 is for me. Well save for the silver lining as with any dark cloud..GRADUATION.
Graduation madness has ensued Kampala and students of Makerere University. I understand why its put at the beginning of the year so that you can start off your year with an achievement and not being so disappointed if u end the year a job searcher which is exactly the way you start it as majority of graduands are unemployed. The term graduand is so glamorous and evokes ooohs ahhhs and eh mamaz but doesn't do justice to the situation of graduating. Your a graduand means there is no pocket money, no more campus ID and free entry to campus night, no more free items from men trying to impress a campuser, the dating game is gonna change up on you and become more complicated than ever and most fundamental NOTHING TO DO and for the really sorry individuals graduating with a degree you don't know what to do with or one you didn't choose for yourself...life is indeed a Bitch because either way your screwed!
Oh well i never left ma optimism in 2010 i carried it with me and am positive about graduation. Positive that am gonna dawn a new dress and shoes and look hot for ma entrance into this new chapter of life(we won't dwell on the chapter least we bring out the pessimist). Positive am gonna eat a months worth of food in a week or two. Positive am gonna have people listen to me for once as i make my speech (To bad its a platform where i can't really F off people and have to adopt subtleness). Positive my ratings are gonna go up, what, with an undergrad degree under my belt best believe i am growing wings be them chicken wings.
Oh well no more sorrow fest mixed with a little cheer of the third paragraph(that i wrote after a glass of wine and self convincing using my webcam to myself that am positive about graduating).
HAPPY NU YEAR!
Graduation madness has ensued Kampala and students of Makerere University. I understand why its put at the beginning of the year so that you can start off your year with an achievement and not being so disappointed if u end the year a job searcher which is exactly the way you start it as majority of graduands are unemployed. The term graduand is so glamorous and evokes ooohs ahhhs and eh mamaz but doesn't do justice to the situation of graduating. Your a graduand means there is no pocket money, no more campus ID and free entry to campus night, no more free items from men trying to impress a campuser, the dating game is gonna change up on you and become more complicated than ever and most fundamental NOTHING TO DO and for the really sorry individuals graduating with a degree you don't know what to do with or one you didn't choose for yourself...life is indeed a Bitch because either way your screwed!
Oh well i never left ma optimism in 2010 i carried it with me and am positive about graduation. Positive that am gonna dawn a new dress and shoes and look hot for ma entrance into this new chapter of life(we won't dwell on the chapter least we bring out the pessimist). Positive am gonna eat a months worth of food in a week or two. Positive am gonna have people listen to me for once as i make my speech (To bad its a platform where i can't really F off people and have to adopt subtleness). Positive my ratings are gonna go up, what, with an undergrad degree under my belt best believe i am growing wings be them chicken wings.
Oh well no more sorrow fest mixed with a little cheer of the third paragraph(that i wrote after a glass of wine and self convincing using my webcam to myself that am positive about graduating).
HAPPY NU YEAR!
Monday
ADIEU 2010
Forgive me for not leaving u with a Christmas gift but i was allover...had a lil work and alot of nurse care for ma sick bro but all is well that ends well. Besides X-mas would alienate my atheist, Muslim, Jew and other kind readers. But hope u had a blessed X-mas and remembered the reason for the season more than the drinks , food and rest.
So 2010 came and now its going...the only certain thing of 2011 is that we will have a presidential election the events to and after that are uncertain. 2010 taught me patience, trust in God and letting things be, so thats the same spirit i will carry into 2011 well that and of course my boo, friends, blog, twit account and FB account.
There are somethings however that am leaving behind and am hoping they won't follow me in 2011. The horrid gifts i got on my birthday....okay am lying i meant the no gifts i received on my birthday...that SUCKED and it better not be the same in 2011. A break up well on second thought my break in 2010 enabled a new fantastic relationship that am taking into 2011 hopefully it lasts(you know my track record by now). I hope to leave my groupie tendencies that led me to attend over hyped under exception filling events well that and of course CURFEW-which has made me miss some amazing things like drunk friends doing things drunken people do(like what you ask well i was not there duh n i only rely facts not here say...but what the heck i was told some girlfriend of mine did karaoke without a karaoke set up....IN A BRA N JEANS ONLY). And the elephant in the room, i definitely don't wanna be unemployed in 2011 no need to say more. What don't u wanna bring into 2011?
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR READERSHIP CATH YOU ON DA FLIP SIDE.
So 2010 came and now its going...the only certain thing of 2011 is that we will have a presidential election the events to and after that are uncertain. 2010 taught me patience, trust in God and letting things be, so thats the same spirit i will carry into 2011 well that and of course my boo, friends, blog, twit account and FB account.
There are somethings however that am leaving behind and am hoping they won't follow me in 2011. The horrid gifts i got on my birthday....okay am lying i meant the no gifts i received on my birthday...that SUCKED and it better not be the same in 2011. A break up well on second thought my break in 2010 enabled a new fantastic relationship that am taking into 2011 hopefully it lasts(you know my track record by now). I hope to leave my groupie tendencies that led me to attend over hyped under exception filling events well that and of course CURFEW-which has made me miss some amazing things like drunk friends doing things drunken people do(like what you ask well i was not there duh n i only rely facts not here say...but what the heck i was told some girlfriend of mine did karaoke without a karaoke set up....IN A BRA N JEANS ONLY). And the elephant in the room, i definitely don't wanna be unemployed in 2011 no need to say more. What don't u wanna bring into 2011?
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR READERSHIP CATH YOU ON DA FLIP SIDE.
Friday
PARTYING 101: NIGHT LIFE OF AN OVER PROTECTED ADULT
Yeah long and funny title i know i know bear with me. On with it, So i went out for the Dj Beekay Party that was the most hyped ugandan event of 2010 whilst at the party alot of things came to my attention about the party crew. Of course like with all my scoop i got it from the loos.
So two girls were talking
GIRL1: Gwe you be dancing allover and they are taking your pics
GIRL2: I am having too much fun to worry if they put me in the tabloids i will tell my dad am not the one
GIRL 1: Don't you think you dad knows you
GIRL2: Excuse me don't rain of ma day...we both jumped from home naye your acting like am the only one who jumped you go hide in a corner me am going to dance(grabs her pilsner off the sink counter-oh yes da booze was brought to the bathroom- and heads out)
Well i could not judge Girl number two because am so like her, No i don't no jump from home am too fly for that and i leave in a neighbor hood where climbing a wall can get you shoot even if its your own wall. But i relate because some parents view their kids as potential victims of everything from the common cold in crowded down town to a knife attack at a house party. Well like her i was having too much fun so my guard was not up as it should have been why would my guard need to be up..let me explain.
Whether given permission or not and your parents are 'strict/insanely protective' you don't want to be seen in a local tabloid not because it would not be cool and do something(be it negative or positive-at this rate anything of standing will do for the homebody)social standing but because it could mean a padlock on your room...note i said room not gate.
Secondly you have to be noted as an attendee of the cool events coz by curfew time your phone will be ringing off the hook to get back home so in the midst of fun you can't tell which is the Facebook flash and which is the tabloid flash.
Then lastly of course you have to be on guard and ready to deck from those nosy make everyone is child a parliamentary debate relatives and your big mouthed cousins who will tell their big mouthed mothers or in shameful cases fathers.
Partying is supposed to be fun and easy but when your an over protected adult......it is a job.
So two girls were talking
GIRL1: Gwe you be dancing allover and they are taking your pics
GIRL2: I am having too much fun to worry if they put me in the tabloids i will tell my dad am not the one
GIRL 1: Don't you think you dad knows you
GIRL2: Excuse me don't rain of ma day...we both jumped from home naye your acting like am the only one who jumped you go hide in a corner me am going to dance(grabs her pilsner off the sink counter-oh yes da booze was brought to the bathroom- and heads out)
Well i could not judge Girl number two because am so like her, No i don't no jump from home am too fly for that and i leave in a neighbor hood where climbing a wall can get you shoot even if its your own wall. But i relate because some parents view their kids as potential victims of everything from the common cold in crowded down town to a knife attack at a house party. Well like her i was having too much fun so my guard was not up as it should have been why would my guard need to be up..let me explain.
Whether given permission or not and your parents are 'strict/insanely protective' you don't want to be seen in a local tabloid not because it would not be cool and do something(be it negative or positive-at this rate anything of standing will do for the homebody)social standing but because it could mean a padlock on your room...note i said room not gate.
Secondly you have to be noted as an attendee of the cool events coz by curfew time your phone will be ringing off the hook to get back home so in the midst of fun you can't tell which is the Facebook flash and which is the tabloid flash.
Then lastly of course you have to be on guard and ready to deck from those nosy make everyone is child a parliamentary debate relatives and your big mouthed cousins who will tell their big mouthed mothers or in shameful cases fathers.
Partying is supposed to be fun and easy but when your an over protected adult......it is a job.
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