MAKE ME NASTY!!!!

Hello All,

I am back, God, seems like I have been saying that for ages but for real am back.Today i explore the topic of the freak in all of us, yes you know you is a freak!.

I am always eager, easily fooled and surprised by things. I tend to think i have seen it all until something epic occurs like the UCU sex tape. I was a nut on Whatsapp looking for the video and asking people about it, don't judge you were doing the same if you were in the know.

Anyway the sex tape was disappointing but i liked the enthusiasm of the director's yellings- make it nasty, this is the shit, bend her over. Heheheh am not immoral, okay maybe i am since i went hunting for a sex tape but you would be excited too if you found the whole arrangement to be a joke like me which some of my friends didn't, bringing me to the  gist of this post. Okay i plead the fifth and say I was curious.

All my friends who said "I didn't send it to you coz  i don't want to be party to tainting someone's image", "you need to get some because the things sucks and can't get you excited" and "we have all done this especially if you were in a hostel, can't believe your this surprised", YOU NEED TO MAKE ME NASTY.

Firstly how is it tainting someone's image when they are nude and giggling in a sextape? . Secondly i need to get some, you know this and your not assisting,is that not what friends are for?. Thirdly clearly we have not all done this and please lend me your many sex tapes so that i can familiarize myself with
what went on at campus minus my knowledge.

Yes, make me nasty but don't cast me for an upcoming sex tape you pervs that surround me. I am surrounded by pervs,one failed to get the tape coz he didn't want to look a vouyer but sent me a source and demanded a copy after. I don't know how that reflects on my character other than am a good resourceful friend LOL but judging from this rant am a perv too and judging from the rate at which the tape circulated and judging from the ingenuity/boredom of those University Students Kampala is a perv capital. We need some sort of parade obviously not one organised by the Executive Director.

Scenes from the perv parade we deserve.

CHEERS,
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO MAKE IT NASTY, BE IT  A LOOK, STANCE OR WALK....MAKE IT NASTY!

AM BACK!!!!

Hello People,

I finally got into my blog. Huh!. Am so excited. I missed you. Imagine i just logged into Gmail and voila there she was the creation of my dysfunctional brain. This morning my mum said i just get things without working for them and boy was she right. She is my number one muse. She loves me and annoys me all in one breathe but am thankful to have her *cue Judith Babirye is Mama*. It is a Saturday and I gotta go have some fun okay am lying I have to go to the market and clean house so later my loves.

XOXO

MARTYRDOM

No i didn't die am alive and well just been gone fishin' or in my unemployed status case job hunting yes am still unemployed but am consoled by the millions of youth allover the world, i mean the new Ugandan cabinet echoes my hardship-the minority(those old men who don't know twitter) are representing the majority(face booking and tweeting swagged out beings)but u know this is no political blog so back to martyrdom.
Martyrdom, the state of being a martyr. Martyr......wait whilst i Google...somebody who suffers persecution and death for refusing to renounce a belief or cause, usually religious. I proclaim upon myself the status of martyr, yes you had right am a martyr...am not about to wait to be dead and buried like Nyerere and then have my suffering recognized. I need to voice my sufferings/persecutions.
So apparently in those days, don't ask me which ones as you can guess from the above am young so yes those days people were persecuted and killed for bearing witness of the good news of Jesus Christ. I don't remember Nyerere being a Reverend or Pastor or Father(in the religious sense that is) so he is a martyr probably coz he suffered for witnessing the good news of socialism and other political things meaning that one can be a martyr without religious attachment, right? Sounds logical to me so yes I am a Martyr. Let the witnessing begin.
Being a female equals persecution of sorts....affirmative action cancelled that...really?...sure...damn.
Most definitely being African equals persecution yes we are still asked by our friends yonder seas if we live with elephants HELLO WE ARE NOT CHARACTERS IN JUNGLE BOOK... persecution is the systematic mistreatment of certain groups right, right so the G8 and all those organisations that discuss us(Africans) without us present are persecutors.
The Visa Consulate of.......... wait bad move i don't want to be black listed onto the next
Cupid....a tale for another time.
The bank and come to think of it the whole banking system is out to get me as a non-salary earner low figure banker...don't get me started.
Well am being persecuted left right and center hence declaration of a state of martyrdom. I am a martyr. Babylon system at play...only person not persecuting me is my weed man who supplied on credit to enable me blog this.
Cheers my fellow martyrs

I NEED ME A MAN SORRY SAVINGS ACCOUNT SORRY MAN ..AH..THAT ONE!

Hey people, been a while i know but went through a depression, then a marriage(hold up not mine my dear parents-details for when you call me for coffee) and lost a dear cousin almost like a sister. That explains my absences condolences can be sent by way of direct deposit to my bank account that you will get when leave your phone number with me.Onto business then.
I need me a man. You heard right i need me a man, okay am kidding(not because am in a relationship), who needs a man with technological advancements to pleasure women a.k.a dildos and gay male pals-a great package. What i need is a saving account.
Ladies you will agree that even the smartest of us lack that financial discipline-you just have to get those shoes, buy that icecream or deposit on that dress. For that major reason, i need a savings account and not the kind banks offer. I need me a man who is a big spender a.k.a Savings account.I have heard ladies say they got their own and more power to them but i like the ladies who got their own and some of his too. Where did all this madness come from, scroll on-its story time.
I recently went to visit a friend's sister. She lives alone in a nice apartment-which she pays for by herself and she works but she is planning to buy a house of her own soon, at age 25.How? Well she has a savings account, the real one with the bank and a SAVINGS ACCOUNT a.k.a a man. I observed her conversations on phone during the few times i visited. They went to the tune of honey, i have no rice, i have no sugar, my paycheck is late and they want to cut off my electricity, honey can you imagine the water went, baby i hate to bother you but Dstv.
Basically all her utility and food bills were taken care off by honey. I inquired how long she had been dating Honey and she said a year. Now i did economics but even if you can only grasp simple maths you can definitely make out that this girl is saving a whole load of cash money.
Where does her salary go to then apart from rent which am sure honey helps her out with once in while,well she does look impeccable and dress well and is buying a house soon.
Now that you know the story don't you agree that all ladies need a savings account by the way not spending translates to saving in economics so lets get on with the not spending at least not spending our own earnings. Men you will forgive me but the bible does say that man shall provideth.
Wine glass in hand) CHEERS TO ALL THE SAVING ACCOUNTS OUT THERE, WE LOVE YOU, OKAY I LOVE YOU

NO THANX TO THE BEYONCE EXTENSIONS

I am tired of my hair. Ladies you will testify that we all reach that point where you have weaved, braided, styled, cut, regrown, done the nappy natural thing and still end up being tired of your hair. I reached that stage last weekend but cutting was no option. Why? Well when you have prayed for your hair to grow like i have YOU DON'T CUT IT OFF sometimes even cutting off of the tips kills me though i know its beneficial. So yeah am at the salon i don't want to wash and set nor do i want to plait, we have established cutting was out of the question and with this heat i was definitely not doing the weaving. My stylist's solution...glue in extension...they allow your hair to grow, allow u to change your look temporarily and are user friendly. I am so impressed with her and in my mind i make a mental note to tip, then comes the choosing of the weave and obviously i can't do a short hair do coz of the cutting and her solution...Beyonce extensions. Remember when i made the mental note to tip..yeah how about cancelled. Let me tell you why :
One am Milan not Beyonce. I know i know very evident and trivial but the hair is already human hair so i know it came from some poor south american or Asian dead person. I can get over the fact that a dead person's hair is on my head because its not like the packet of hair has 'sensational hair maria theresa santos or Ai-ting .But i come to the salon for a change a different individual look and you whip out Beyonce style so that what? everyone can know i copied her hairstyle.Its not like you can compete with Beyonce am sure she has ruined many women's self esteems well except when it comes to Jay-z doubt anyone would want those lips well except Beyonce why well thats a topic for another day back to me(see the me aspect me me me my look not BE-YON-CE!)
Secondly glue in extensions are the most hectic hairstyle i have ever come across..spray this and don't do this and make an appointment for 2 weeks..its just like maintaining my real hair expect this time its longer and more time and money consuming. I came to the saloon coz i was tired and needed rest not something to make me more tired. I know what your thinking wrong place try the spa but come on you gotta see my point.
Thirdly it would be kind of ridiculous for me to walk around with beyonce extensions with my non glamorous life style..really it is like a priest having a mohawk, i would not trust them with my life let alone my soul.
Well after all the above swerving around in my head i got up from the consult told her i would be back and 4 days later am writing this. What am i doing with my hair...well i figured i would start my own style the milan look.. de-shoveled, straight out bed, run you fingers through your hair and if your really embarrassed a nice scarf wrap will do look.

CONSTITUTIONAL SQUARE CERTIFIED...NOT

I am not political...who am i lying to am a little political and i was very impressed by Northern Africans and Middle Easterners rising up to demand for change and have their demands meet. The wave of change is taking place through mass demonstrations in city squares. As with anything i consider admirable i ask myself can i do that, what if it were me and here goes my analysis on whether i can be that one among millions strongly standing risking limb and life for a change.
Before we go any further the gospel truth is that am a coward i can't. Now don't judge or write me off i would love to but its not in my nature. Thats right when all fails blame God or the devil..its not like someone is gonna put them on a stand to witness. I don't know who to blame for the fact that its not in my nature to strike..God or the Devil. But i will examine why am unable to act courageously and fearlessly.
COWARDS ARE US: HELLO MY NAME IS MILAN AND AM NON CONFRONTATIONAL
I can not for the love of me fight unless am seriously provoked and by seriously i mean my brother farting in my face. When arguments get heated i walk away. I can mouth off for days but if i see the other person is getting angry i will mouth of some more but once the earings come of and the fists are clenched and the Leilah Ali Stance is assumed am running as fast as my chicken knock kneed legs can carry me. Even under the influence of alcohol am sobered up by a fight be it verbal of physical somehow the signs of a fight ensuing flash the alcohol right out of my brain and alert my legs to...you know it..run or walk away.
CONCLUSCION
No am not ending my article but this is another reason am not constitutional square certified. I always draw concluscion even before events happen. I plan ahead of time and think of all possible happenings and their solutions. I will most definitely be the one discouraging my fellow strikers with facts and figures and reality checks of the army being equipped both in weaponry and manpower and how we are going to be annihilated and blown up to oblivion. My mind sees the end before the beginning and i would probably utter seemingly intelligent phrases like the end looks bloody, tugenda ffa in causal talks leading up to the strike.
SELF TALK
I am my worst enemy and best friend. I can gas myself up for anything as first as i can talk myself out of it. I am not a good candidate for suicide..that boy who blew himself up was brave. Had it been me, i would have designed the detonator with a defuse switch. I am more likely to swallow 2 or 3 valims but just before i am knocked out call emergency services and let them know i took an over dose and text my mom who i definitely know will overact that i took too many medicines. In the event of a strike i will arrive at the city square say hey and find my way home as first as i came.
BIG TALK NEVER EQUALED BIG ACTION
I am a writer, a talker, a wolokoso artist, a word-smith. I can create euphoria with my words but tell me to bring it to life...dear God! Ever wonder why great women and men's biographies are not written by themselves and if they are they are assisted? Well because they don't write or idealize about making things happens they make things happen. I can inspire thousands with my words of action but ask me to lead them hehehehehehehehe i will probably write something about finding the leader in thyself.
PROCRASTINATORS ARE US: HELLO AM MILAN AND AM A PROCRASTINATOR
I have the worst case of procrastination. Tomorrow is a day too and will always be their. I court later as if it were a lover and i think somewhere in my mind there lies a 25 hr clock. I would most definitely tell my follow strikers i will show up tomorrow, or convince them to push the strike forward...when kids are back from school, when the weather is better.

All these traits are defaults that make me uncertified for the constitutional square but never you mind because i got my words to strike for me...maybe i will pen a political satire..howz about that?

LAWD...LORD

Hi guys...been a while i know...blame it on graduation season. I have been having a swell time attending grads including mine which was well put in a local daily(to my shock and it did evoke prayers to the tune of God may the ground open n swallow up but not to end in hell maybe somewhere cool n chill in the earth is crust till this blows over).As an attendee of the grads and having qualified with a development economics degree put ma knowledge to work...i developed myself-lose dresses with food allowance space so as to consume as much food and drink as possible...i economized-i bought a dozen of(well some graduands maybe reading this so i won't say) but if u read this and find u have the same something as someone and you got it as a grad gift well....to quote shaggy "It wasn't me." Hehehehe now onto the Title topic why am i dramatically calling Lawd Lord,Okay perversion aside people.
Ever had those moments in life where you feel you are on auto pilot like you are going through the motions of things and not actually 'living'. Well i realized this when i posted events of my very personal life on Facebook without thinking and actually without feeling anything about it. It was only after looking at the event in retrospect that i was like W.T.F. I love routine it makes life a whole lot easier that routine but not when the routine manages you instead of you managing it. So why am i yelling Lawd , well i need a change...i need to stop this addiction to social media-except my blog of course that is so therapeutic-my parents are lucky coz they have a kid bright enough to blog instead of going to the coo koo fixer for obscene amounts(Lawd-why charge alot just to be a silent gossip, heck guys u can pour out to me for free but there is no client-listener privileged and no material is unworthy of a good rumor mill). I no longer dream of tea with Conddy Rice or being a fortune 500 magazine or even watch Tv(my first love/addiction) all i dream about is trending topics, status updates, pokes and inboxes. I quit the online chat but can't seem to find the inner strength to quit/lessen social media addiction hence the yell..yes its a yell.....LAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD......LOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDD Jesus take the
wheel.

Sooooooo Jan 2011

Before i wrote this i had my hand on my cheek and kept adopting that pose throughout the writing of this post. So 2011 is here and the new month is here. I know, i know, u know and you could have told me that for free but what else is there to say...Okay HAPPY NEW YEAR. The slowness and uneventful nature of the first lines of this post is exactly what Jan 2011 is for me. Well save for the silver lining as with any dark cloud..GRADUATION.
Graduation madness has ensued Kampala and students of Makerere University. I understand why its put at the beginning of the year so that you can start off your year with an achievement and not being so disappointed if u end the year a job searcher which is exactly the way you start it as majority of graduands are unemployed. The term graduand is so glamorous and evokes ooohs ahhhs and eh mamaz but doesn't do justice to the situation of graduating. Your a graduand means there is no pocket money, no more campus ID and free entry to campus night, no more free items from men trying to impress a campuser, the dating game is gonna change up on you and become more complicated than ever and most fundamental NOTHING TO DO and for the really sorry individuals graduating with a degree you don't know what to do with or one you didn't choose for yourself...life is indeed a Bitch because either way your screwed!
Oh well i never left ma optimism in 2010 i carried it with me and am positive about graduation. Positive that am gonna dawn a new dress and shoes and look hot for ma entrance into this new chapter of life(we won't dwell on the chapter least we bring out the pessimist). Positive am gonna eat a months worth of food in a week or two. Positive am gonna have people listen to me for once as i make my speech (To bad its a platform where i can't really F off people and have to adopt subtleness). Positive my ratings are gonna go up, what, with an undergrad degree under my belt best believe i am growing wings be them chicken wings.
Oh well no more sorrow fest mixed with a little cheer of the third paragraph(that i wrote after a glass of wine and self convincing using my webcam to myself that am positive about graduating).
HAPPY NU YEAR!

ADIEU 2010

Forgive me for not leaving u with a Christmas gift but i was allover...had a lil work and alot of nurse care for ma sick bro but all is well that ends well. Besides X-mas would alienate my atheist, Muslim, Jew and other kind readers. But hope u had a blessed X-mas and remembered the reason for the season more than the drinks , food and rest.

So 2010 came and now its going...the only certain thing of 2011 is that we will have a presidential election the events to and after that are uncertain. 2010 taught me patience, trust in God and letting things be, so thats the same spirit i will carry into 2011 well that and of course my boo, friends, blog, twit account and FB account.

There are somethings however that am leaving behind and am hoping they won't follow me in 2011. The horrid gifts i got on my birthday....okay am lying i meant the no gifts i received on my birthday...that SUCKED and it better not be the same in 2011. A break up well on second thought my break in 2010 enabled a new fantastic relationship that am taking into 2011 hopefully it lasts(you know my track record by now). I hope to leave my groupie tendencies that led me to attend over hyped under exception filling events well that and of course CURFEW-which has made me miss some amazing things like drunk friends doing things drunken people do(like what you ask well i was not there duh n i only rely facts not here say...but what the heck i was told some girlfriend of mine did karaoke without a karaoke set up....IN A BRA N JEANS ONLY). And the elephant in the room, i definitely don't wanna be unemployed in 2011 no need to say more. What don't u wanna bring into 2011?
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR READERSHIP CATH YOU ON DA FLIP SIDE.

PARTYING 101: NIGHT LIFE OF AN OVER PROTECTED ADULT

Yeah long and funny title i know i know bear with me. On with it, So i went out for the Dj Beekay Party that was the most hyped ugandan event of 2010 whilst at the party alot of things came to my attention about the party crew. Of course like with all my scoop i got it from the loos.

So two girls were talking
GIRL1: Gwe you be dancing allover and they are taking your pics
GIRL2: I am having too much fun to worry if they put me in the tabloids i will tell my dad am not the one
GIRL 1: Don't you think you dad knows you
GIRL2: Excuse me don't rain of ma day...we both jumped from home naye your acting like am the only one who jumped you go hide in a corner me am going to dance(grabs her pilsner off the sink counter-oh yes da booze was brought to the bathroom- and heads out)
Well i could not judge Girl number two because am so like her, No i don't no jump from home am too fly for that and i leave in a neighbor hood where climbing a wall can get you shoot even if its your own wall. But i relate because some parents view their kids as potential victims of everything from the common cold in crowded down town to a knife attack at a house party. Well like her i was having too much fun so my guard was not up as it should have been why would my guard need to be up..let me explain.
Whether given permission or not and your parents are 'strict/insanely protective' you don't want to be seen in a local tabloid not because it would not be cool and do something(be it negative or positive-at this rate anything of standing will do for the homebody)social standing but because it could mean a padlock on your room...note i said room not gate.
Secondly you have to be noted as an attendee of the cool events coz by curfew time your phone will be ringing off the hook to get back home so in the midst of fun you can't tell which is the Facebook flash and which is the tabloid flash.
Then lastly of course you have to be on guard and ready to deck from those nosy make everyone is child a parliamentary debate relatives and your big mouthed cousins who will tell their big mouthed mothers or in shameful cases fathers.
Partying is supposed to be fun and easy but when your an over protected adult......it is a job.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I come bearing gifts..okay not really gifts..a new post is more like it but oh well at least am bearing something..would be a hella weird if i posted a nude picture of my self(nude-bearing get the joke?..oh well never mind). Onto the topic thanksgiving, this is a western holiday not even western, American and staying to my true African nature i decided to copy it after my mom threw a memorial-thanksgiving party this past weekend. I decided to find what am thankful for and here goes.
I started the year in a fiery relationship, it was really working for me so i guess am thankful for that. One second thought i really don't know how thankful i am being that we broke up mid year. Okay it is the end of the year so lets concentrate on the fact that i have a new wonderful man, so am kind of thankful, at least this year is ending with the excitement it started with via the love department but you can no doubt understand my skeptic nature with my track record.
I started the year in school hating it and not waiting to finish and boy did i finish, i finished making it to the graduation list..hand clap...and unemployment list...now what was i giving thanx for again? My point exactly
Well lets try the friends department i made some new friends this year. Party friends to be exact ones that will fill your social calendar...hallelujah anyone? but only if you have money spend...God forbid!....am thankful but...no really am thankful...but they would be the best friends ever made if they could pick tab all the time.
But one thing i can say thanx for with no qualm is health...I am thankful for being healthy...my man says health is wealth and i say wealth is wealth but between you and I know he is right.
I am also thankful that i have earned money in more ways than appealing to my mom's motherly side and begging from my dad...what ways you ask...nosy people i answer.
Well December remains to be seen but so far so good...am most thankful for my social media though; Facebook, twitter and my blog and all the people that come along too.
What are you thankful for?

YOU WANT ANOTHER RWAP/RAP.

I know i know old news but i was abit scared to write this one...i want to stay alive for long but oh well here goes..whats life without risk.


If you’re not familiar with the above phrase and you’re a Ugandan I have to say am highly embarrassed by you and how dare you not know the title of our dear president Yoweri Kaguta Museveni is song. Well everyone is up in arms at the release of this track and they feel his Excellency has stooped a little too low in the search for votes but my opinion is that the Obama campaign that addressed the youth vote not only stopped in the states but crossed over to the African continent and settled in our small 37 million populous Uganda. Obama endorsed Weezy(Lil Wayne) when he mentioned him and gave him a shout out in his speech and we all thought that was the biggest validation of hip hop/rap music and the black culture until The National Resistance Movement Chairman came out with a rap song or as many have called it in a bid to relate it to the runya-flow genre(runyankole flow) rwap song.
Well the rap/rwap song is not bad at all except it alienated a large part of Ugandans that don’t understand runya-flow but thank God it was a hip-hop track. I consider hiphop the best genre, don’t agree well let me break it down for you. I don’t understand runyakole but I got loads from the song, number one tight instrumentals, the xylophone sounds in the foreground in the start and that fadeout to the background in the verses were simply amazing. The overall beat itself was head bobbing and am told the rap/rwap is now a club banger little wonder why. The hook/chorus which was in English, see hip hop gives you the opportunity to mix it up and shake it up it’s not a containerized art form rather it thrives on stepping out of the box and pushing the art form. Back to the hook/chorus who was not answering yes Sevo when his Excellency asked ‘you want another rap/rwap?’ Overall big up to Fenon music…Steve Jean and crew am waiting for the EP and thank you for extremely swaggin’ out our already Swagged out President with his signature Safari hat and checked shirts.
Am not going political but you have to give it up to the president for making this bold gesture to reach out to the disgruntled youth of Uganda, Mao has a face book page but nothing can beat a rap/rwap, did I mention that it’s my ringtone?. Well the electioneering has just began let’s see what comes up next rumor has it that DP(Democratic Party) camp is planning a release of their own, a sort of come back, what’s Hip Hop without beef? Hope this beef doesn’t turn out like the creeps and bloods that lost us some of the greats, 2 Pac and Notorious B.I.G. You want another article? I don’t think so..pay me!

VAMPIRE FASCINATION

Hey!Been long i know been busy...with what you ask..my man.No he is not a vampire and i ain't spilling more..FOR NOW! Now onto business.
If your like me and you watch Tv vampires are allover, from the original vampires like Count Dracula, Van Helsing to the more modern Salvador bothers in Vampire dairies and Edward Cullen of Twilight and of course True blood vamps. Vamp fascination is on an all time high and its amazing how many fans and lovers Vamps have which is contrary to the Tv shows where they are not accepted and are trying to survive.
I recently met a guy(no not my man get off that) who told me he sleeps in the day and first thing i thought was Vampire. Then we talked about meat and our love for steak and he said he liked his rare and i thought..you know it, Vamp. In the midst of that discussion i imagined he was looking at my neck, laughable i know too much TV and paranoia but believe it or not i wished he were a vampire. I convinced myself that if he were to flash his fangs i would so faint from adoration and desire than from fear.
Vampires are beastly creatures that suck human blood and turn humans into vampires for a life eternal passing through eras and years seeing more and more destruction and things never changing or changing for worse, talk of living hell but why we and I are fascinated by them beats me.But it doesn't stop me from investigating and drawing conclusions.
They are portrayed as good and bad, the bad ones eat humans(those we hate, die)the good ones eat animals(animal activists hate them but better animals than humans) so obviously you hope to meet a good one or one you can change to be that heroin saving the beast by your love.
They have amazing sex....men and women alike want have that knowledge base,men to use women for it to be used on them. We all need a little amazing....who said grace no not grace okay grace but i meant amazing sex.
They look divine and never age, in a world obsessed with youth and ageless beauty who would not like to be or meet a vamp.
Mystery...I love me a mysterious person, its like a puzzle and i like games, the intrigue is immense and keeping your attention is not hard at all, who would not want that?
They are modernized, commercialized and packaged for us like that shoprite chicken...really this fascination has started with the modernization and commercialization of vamps. They go to school put on well don't leave in coffins and have fancy rings to prevent them from sunlight burns and they fall in love. I can assure you no sane person was screaming in admiration of Dracula!
Well, the guy was not a vampire, it was just my vampire fascination, he worked with Mtn IT team and stayed in Mengo and happened to have peculiar tastes and as it turned out habits...he poked his nose at the table..eeeeeeewwwww delete number!

MIDDLE FINGER MIDDLE FINGER

I have been wanting to write this one for a while but this week has been weird, a mix of good and bad. I would look to stick my middle finger to the bad things as a true lady of course i can't utter the words F.U.or It but it is very much necessary sometimes. Well am not talking about vulgarities, well this one may be, am talking about adorning that middle finger on the left hand with a ring.
I have loads of girlfriends who have done all sorts of good and bad and got up to all kinds of trickery to get that engagement ring. The ones who faked pregnancies, the ones who actually got pregnant, the ones who have given ultimatum and the ones who went to the traditional doctor(yes a juju man, a witch doctor, a sangoma). Well i don't know why girls are so desperate for that ring and why they never learn. Seriously we have seen pregnant girls abandoned, witchcraft backfire, ultimatums go wrong and the false pregnancy manifest into a miscarriage or money to terminate it.
In my opinion ladies should use the statistics or whats on ground in there decision. Giving a man an ultimatum is like telling a kid don't touch inside the socket, he will definitely touch and you will be the one to suffer. Besides your giving him an out if he has been wanting to leave the relationship, why stick to one thing and miss out on the variety on offer and now on offer from his woman.
The 'i am pregnant' cry really this one makes me laugh. In fact i seat down and laugh at it with my boys. The man will do one of two things, if he is a cowardly bastard he will give you money to abort especially if he is married or you were his side dish. If he was raised right he would want to marry you and look after his kid but why buy the cow when the milk is free he will say give me ma kid and look after his kid and keep you there as a by the way. Now if you were faking and you have t get abortion money ask for a ridiculous amount and leave coz he ain't never gonna pop the question. Now if you have the latter and he wants his kid, sorry to say this but Bitch your in trouble.
Witchcraft, he he he he this is another laughable one though i have heard it works but why would you want to marry someone who is not themselves, am sure if they gave you your guy high on crack cocaine or weed or liquor and said voila get married you wouldn't cause he wouldn't be in his right senses and wouldn't be your boo but you would bewitch him into marriage. WOW. Women never cease to amuse me even as a fellow woman.
If a man loves you genuinely and you give him subtle hints and the communication lines are open and you both know the end goal is marriage he will propose. Ladies have a little faith in you man, though not utmost faith, keep dragging him to those wedding meetings, weddings and family occasions and love story movies to cement your intentions with him. If your not getting what you want move on, its hard but are you gonna torture yourself and waste your fine years on a ring that is as elusive as the lockness monster?

WHEN U GOTTA ANSWER MORE THAN HELLO OR HOW YOU DOING!

I need to warn y'all this is not child friendly PG21. You've been warned.
Firstly how you doing? Great well yippe for you(in actuality i hate you okay hate is strong lets say envy you...am still jobless-tear tear and consequently money less river filled with tears).
Anyway now to the issues at hand, I was with some friends at a party..it all begins at a party don't it? Yeah so party and then comes Bathroom break and of course us girls do bathroom in packs just like lions or wolves hunting...unlike the animals that have a purpose, the trek to the bathroom has many purposeless members-not purposeless per se but according to the order of business purposeless..lost lemme break it down.
1.The am gonna make a call girl(probably to her insecure boyfie or to her other boo arranging a meeting)
2.The am going to smoke some weed girl(whom when you all look at her says 'i had a bad day don't judge' and if you want ama deal you we ain't friends on this)
3.The these heifers are not leaving me here alone i wouldn't mind but there are no cute boys to stick around for..let me follow girl.
4.The fashionista..gotta look good for the photos..opportunity to touch up the face her and lips.
5.The am really dying to pee girl..the only purposeful one in the pack.
Yeah so whilst in the bathroom its like a mini talkshow forum..all i hear is this guy, last time, lipstick, O.M.G so and so has come, that chic is oba loose then the bomb drop out of some corner PHONE SEX! Everyone including yours truly..(i never indulge in gossip but i like a good story) asks who where what how when. And then the story is unveiled by Gossip Girl(am talking about a girl who takes on the persona of the Tv show she knows everything about everyone). The story..well next time come party with me but the long and short of it was how difficult it is to have phone sex as girls and how easy it is for guys.
You know its phone sex when you gotta answer more than hello or how you doing. If you hear the oh so 'what are you wearing?' line its phone sex.
So we were wondering why someone would wanna have phone sex and how inconveniencing and awkward and violating it is....this made me proud coz it made me feel like we still got some african and some roots of culture in us, that conservatism or trad(for traditional)swag much as it be pseudo. Really what am i wearing?... am in a jean and t-shirt cleaning up and prepping for tomorrow or in the toilet shitting(y'all know you pick up your calls whilst in the shitter...accept! its only your screen and you). Then there are guys who want descriptions..don't ask of what, this ain't that kinda show but use you imaginations if you wish and then the ones who want you to yell and make animal sounds and call out their names in accents...mind you this is in your room which you may share with a roomate or a house with your guardians or parents. My mom for sure would come and beat the hell out of you if she finds you mooing on the phone if she finds you moaning on a phone well thats a whole 'nother tale the woman is catholic but she will employ Sharia law and besides how you gonna listen to yourself talk like that? Seriously!. It is indeed a man's world coz all females concluded that that stuff is hard and akward although in high demand especially with strangers or non-boyfriends. The female world i feel is more of the sextexter-sex texters than phone sex atleast for me and ma girls..it all uses phones i can hear the men say and achieves the same purpose but Men are from Mars Women from Venus and i got the 411-take it or leave it.
Am out for now, y'all can call me am not afraid of phones or to pick up a call coz of the phonesex thing but once you start what-are-you-wea.....THE NUMBER YOU HAVE CALLED IS PERMANENTLY OUT OF ORDER!

ATTACHMENT DETACHMENT

So attachement and detachment disorders are real complexities in real life and people are affected by them. No this is not what am going to write about i ain't a psychologist but am just writing a disclaimer and notifying you of the seriousness of the issue coz am taking a lightness to it. Now back to business.
Big Bro Africa allstars ended and i was in a kind of lost phase..what to do now? It is really easy to get attached to things and people so i have found...I got to know all characters loved some strongly disliked others, the person i loved won and i jubilated and ululated and was shaking for joy..Now this is someone i have never met save for social media like facebook and a tv screen, when the tv screen went black coz the channel was shut down its like i lost someone and now am searching on facebook twitter google for whatever specks of life of the housemates outside the house...I CAN NOT LET GO.
So in my co-relative mind i thought if i can get attached to people in a box and glass with pictures powered by electricity then what about real life real people.
I will admit i can't let go of things both negative and positive..i still have and wear a t-shirt one of my mom's employees bought me in 1999...yes 1999 now don't judge some of y'allz closets still have scrunchies. I try to hold on to all relationships and i would rather forgive than fight. I am still friends with all my exes..no not friends with benefits but friends as in we care about each other and our life's progress. I will never forget my classmate who called me yellow eyes. To me i have issues with detachment/attachment but it is not unhealthy...and in my defense(yes am bringing in the court room drama)..my mom never throws away anything..we are a family of hoarders but not to life threatening circumstances.
Okay you don't buy my stories of my sanity and healthy levels of issues with attachment, let me disprove you with a story.
So i knew a guy we shall call Peter and he had a girlfriend called Jane..Now they were in love but Jane was so possessive..she would check his emails facebook insist that he make his posts about her introduce her to all his friends a process which she used to weed out her threats and none threats. At the end of the day he had no female friends no male friends with girlfriends no male friends who frequent bars. Peter felt fed up and dumped her...She stole his phone when he got a new one she tapped into it, she would wait outside his house and go to his work place. The height was an attempted suicide...now if you still think my minimalistic obssesion is bad i have no more stories for you.
I still don't get why we go to such extremities..i have heard of football fans committing suicide, lovers and fans..we are a very expressive species and the most intellectual species yet we still kill ourselves over mundane things.
I guess the brain is not the strongest organ but the heart...it gives life so it makes sense that it would be the taker of life and not the brain.

VILLAGE LIVING NEEDED.

Hey Bloogerworld..been a while neh(a word i learnt from Big brother Africa i think its southern african to mean no or not so).
Well i couldn't blog coz i lost a tooth, a front tooth moreover. Okay, your allowed to laugh..who loses a tooth at 22..well duh! ME. How? well i was enjoying beef a little too much and since my parents fed me more juice than milk in my younger years calcium was lacking and my tooth crumbled like the buildings in 2007-2009 Uganda.
Talking of lack of Calcium i have come to the concluscion that Africans lack nutrition knowledge or should i say neglect the nutrition knowledge instilled in them.I being brought up in the middle class took a liking to the processed food and the break container had sweets and processed drinks splash anyone? chocolate wafers? and the occasional banana or apple. Forget packing eggs and brown bread and homemade fruit juice , you would be the class joke and the 'fake kid' and no parent wants their kid to be fake so even lunch time would have you buying chips and chicken or chaps or hot dogs or burgers(i see you saying hot dogs and burgers..yes we had those at our canteen coz i was privileged to go to one of those private schools where the students are king.)instead of the kitchen balance diet of rice, spaghetti, beans , meat, greens and a fruit. The middle class is the driving engine of many economies but its also the killer of much of the population as they house diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and other diseases especially in the youths in that category known as rich people's diseases.
Am not against money and enjoying life but am for healthy living(am sipping a 2 table spoon of sugar cup of coffee right now but as with all things one step at a time am taking one cup a day instead of three). The poor are poor but they live healthy lives, they eat their green leafy vegetables , energy filled carbohydrates and plenty of milk and water. In my mind whilst my brothers and i sit down to sweetened cereals and milk, eggs fried in ridiculous amount of oil and toast with thick lay on of margarine a kid in the village is sucking a cow's titty forgive me udder in fact let me correct my ignorance..has milked a cow and is drinking its milk and supplementing it with last nights leftovers or previously fried cassava or pancakes or bread.I don't wanna live in the village and i prefer my milk in that box at the supermarket well pasteurized and packaged but we should learn a few things from village leaving. Nutrition is not the only thing we can learn from the village..ever heard of village medicine ..Soothing Bath gel has nothing on bathing herbs...they are like 10in1 function wise from luck with men to luck with jobs and the in between..give me some of that!....Am not joking am serious have you seen me writting about a man or job yet?????????????(Forgive me again..i know your my humble readers not Dr.Phil)
Now i know your like yeah yeah why couldn't u blog with a broken tooth its not like we can see you. Well, answer is Image is everything even in the blogsphere..i was seeing myself and damn..your homegal looked like an extra for nickelodeon or home alone 1.

THE CONCEPT OF OVERSTANDING.

I can't sleep again so might as well be productive and blog...ha ha ha(why am i laughing its not funny...breathe..focus..go)
We are all familiar with the word understand: it means to grasp an idea of something or have knowledge about it. Over standing is not the opposite but it is a greater level of understanding that turns into a negative...it is rather a case of too much of anything is bad. Okay don't worry i gat ya am going to break it down for you in scenarios.

Your meeting your boyfriend for a drink and it is chilly and you go to ladies and when you come back you find he has already ordered Coffee and you ask why he ordered Coffee and he says thats what you always drink-he is overstanding you because that day you may have wanted a soothing cup of hot chocolate.

Your girls call you to go out on a Saturday an hour or two before they step out...when you ask for prior notice they say you always make it its not like you have anything to do-they are overstanding you-you were to watch re-runs of gossip girl or weakest link(and you take Tv seriously), but there invite sounded to be more fruitful.Besides they were buying.

Your boss or mother or father calls you for a meeting it and you arrive with a Clinton-esque speech(I did not......)-your overstanding your boss, parent or parents, they may be calling you to reward you but coz a call for a meeting is understood as good or bad in most cases bad you overstand it to be bad and prepare a speech.

A boy points at a group of girls and all the females point an themselves- confidence is a good thing but don't overstand yourself, i know your a catch and you would date you but hold your horses on that one.
After the realization of overstanding themselves they point to the prettiest of them all-this is not an overstand of the boy it its reality..he is pointing to the prettiest all the time..when he points to the ugly one its probably a teen movie based on a bet the boy had with his friends with the morale that ugliness can turn the high school jock into a humane creature.

Am out and please don't overstand me coz you read my blogs....understand me...overstanding me may be dangerous to your health LOL.

TIT FOR TAT

So everyone is leaving ...okay not everyone am exaggerating but i have a number of friends who have crossed borders and some crossed seas....this is a good thing for them but it sucks for me, not coz i will miss them, please.... what do you think FB and Skype and Twitter are for? It is a bad thing coz am left in the pearl and they are bound to make feel bad intentionally or unintentionally. How?
Posting pictures of white sand beaches, aquarium floored restaurants, gigantic shopping centers and them holding shopping bags.
Making status updates about seeing celebs and being at this club.
Inviting me to an Usher live show in the country they moved to(By the way why invite me when you know i can't make it?????)
Well am always happy for my friends but that doesn't mean am not sad for me. But oh well life is as such and when life hands you lemon(by the way this is not just a lemon its arsenic) what do you do make lemonade (or in the case of arsenic...am not about to say arsenic poison yourself i may be a little sad but i love my life gosh what kind of person are you?...in arsenic's case make pesticide and kill flies instead of yourself)
Yeah so back to my retaliation,
am going to go garden city(qualifies as a big shopping mall) hold a few shopping buveera and take a few snaps infront of Sylvie's, enkha rash and at banana boat.
Next stop Nakumatt...am gonna take a snap at java's(of course a few shots will have the javas light in them) then proceed to Mr.Price where i will take a snap in the changing room.
I will take one weekend and hit the pseudo beaches of entebbe and take capturing and fun looking snaps.
I will have to have a night scene album in which i take view shots from garden city roof top and from crested crane towers and i will have to take photos at cayenne and silk ocean and maybe one kivulu.
Lastly i will have to post an O.M.G..i actually saw Baboon Forest crew in a forest and shortly after that..am in the same taxi as Butcha man.
If i don't make them feel bad or impress them in the least at least i would have managed to get their attention.

SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

So my home boy's ex girlfriend is getting married and he was invited to the wedding meeting and subsequently to the wedding. Well he is now confused and in the state of 'if' where he second guesses his past decision which is normal considering that they shared a part of their lives. With exes comes alot of emotions- resentment, anger, hate, regret and if you had a sexual relationship that means you connected on a spiritual level and when the spirit is broken its not quick to heal like the heart(damn am so proud of that statement it sounds so legit ha ha okay on with it..). So he is deciding on whether to not go or go..me i gave the cryptic answer i always give with these issues..listen to your heart.
Well this got me thinking about why girls most especially invite exes to their dos...me personally i would invite you to stick it to you especially if you messed me up. Now some girls are really nice and harbour no hard feelings but you never know a persons heart and its my belief always that something's gotta give, its the 21st century but lynching and cruel murder still exist but in a newer downsized(as to go with the minimalist but impacting trend)form called meanness also known as emotional abuse that will drive you to depression and subsequent suicide.
Well I as Milan he hehe hehe....should i write this...oh hell yes i might as well write it coz I speak it .
I would not invite my ex to my wedding meetings, forgive me but to me wedding meetings and this haramabe concept makes you look poor and desperate. The fact that now telecom companies provide sms alert for meetings makes it worse. If am to invite you to a wedding meeting it would be the one i plan to have just to allocate tasks and stuff. If he contributes a penny to your wedding its like he still has a role to play in your life...and am sure as hell not having that!
I would only invite you to my wedding to cement your insecurities...if your short and my guy is tall you will get an invite, if he is well endowed and your not your getting an invite, if he has money and you don't your number one on the guest list...and the last criteria am getting married and your single..come view your pathetic life while i bask in the glory of my new life.
Some may view this as mean but its the only reason i would invite an ex whom am not friends with to my wedding otherwise leave the bugger alone to his life and move on with yours why start a new chapter of your life with him/her there.