SCARED.

So by now you have probably had about the bomb blasts and those of you that live in Uganda or Kampala already kicked into cautious mood and have had part of your social lives taken away. Anyway i heard the bomb blast but it only became reality when i saw the footage on the news and i was genuinely scared. You see these things on T.V in far off countries and never think thay will happen in your country to fellow citizens or friends or family..luckily i never lost anyone but my condolences to those who did. Terrorism wasn't just in a box on my tv or in the newspaper or on the net but on ma doorstep..i was scared and still am.
Then i thought of all the things that scared me that were insignificant...the fear of failure, the fact that i was scared to seriously talk to my parents about moving out, my fear of commitment, and the latest and worst fear that i had very little instinct of a mother, THIS WAS THE WORST. A girl grows into a woman and those motherly hormones kick in but recently i encountered a lady at a shop who asked me if i was buying glucose for my baby, to say i was appalled was an understatement i answered no with a blank look on my face and thought why the heck would i have a baby...i like children and try to tolerate them and think they are pure blah blah blah but why was i appalled that someone would see me as a mother? Am still trying to understand this but in light of the twin bombs it seems so insignificant.
Did this event give me courage to overcome some of my fears because i was confronted with a much bigger fear? The answer no! but it did give me a greater understanding of how life is precious and how the people in our lives should be appreciated on daily basis and it concretized my belief in the Almighty God.

I WANT LOVE N PASSION.

So today i spent the day engrossed in the life of Che Guevara and later stumbled upon the romance of Princess Diana and Dodi-Al Fayhed on TV, and i realized my life lacks love, it lacks passion. Granted a revolutionary and a forbidden love are not a normal comparison but am not a normal girl and i see things in a 'not normal way', i found that all these people had love and passion and that's what made them great and what drove them. Sure Che's love and passions were different from Princess Di and Dodi's but they were all driven by that strong uncontrollabe desire, an overwhelming feeling that consumed them and became them. I want that i want love and passion not just in the romantic sense(oooh passion in the romantic sense would be soooooo Gooooood) but in everything i do..passion for living, love my work(when i find some). I see it in this sense, there are millions upon trillions of stars in the sky but we can only see the shiniest ones and its ma thinking that those that we do see are filled with with a burning brightness, a burning that i equate to passion and love. All the people i based my passion and love desire are dead but their lives are prominent and profound...even in death they were glorious. Well i may never be a princess or have an affair with an eygptian turned UK citizen's tycoon son or be a revolutionary but in all i do and in the life i live i want to have passion and love. Even if its recognized by no one at least i will know and as they say what you know and know to be true can't be taken from you.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TITLE THIS.

So i have been gone for a while story of my life...I have a genetic chronic illness..Sickle Cell Anemia..yes people am dying and on Monday i almost came close but thanx to medical intervention and the big man up there am here. Now don't fell sorry for me i've done more with ma life than many normal people and i may outlive many of them as i have before but thanx for the empathy. Now that all the confessions and tears are out of the way i would like to give a big shout out to my first comment...Kiregasword...watsup and interestingly enough their blog is about economics and development in Africa something of interest to me(clap clap). Okay july is here and am finally getting off my A** my guy friends have been on my hind side telling me to get active now i think this is just them caring but my gal L thinks they wanna hookup with me but like guys now days they want a girl who is non dependent either way i appreciate the push coz sometimes you just need a little nudge to start the journey of your life. Well Ghana disappointed by not making it and immediately Africans turned against A.Gyan n the Ghana team n this made me think how unappreciative people can be....this man played remarkably to get Ghana to the quarters and yes he missed the penalty but if u had the weight of 6 million plus people on your shoulders and had just played for 120minutes and had nerves for ages would you have done better? Well i love Ghana they have set a great example and challenge for other African Teams and A.Gyan is a hero. Well what else do i have too say....alot but you'll just have to wait for it on the next post. Cheers

I WOULD LOVE TO CARE BUT I DON'T.

This is like day whatever seated at home doing nothing, my mom occasionally shows concern telling me to be proactive, my dad on the other hand is glad to have his baby girl at home 24/7 no risks of pregnancy or HIV/AIDS or any other big embarassments to the family. Anyway i met up with a friend of mine and she was talking jobs and interviews and C.Vs and i was with her but not 'with her'. Ever had those conversations where your hearing someone but not really listening..yeah that was the kind i was in. So i have not written any C.V nor any application why? i don't know.. perhaps the fact that it is all a waste of time seeing as jobs are got through whom you know and not actually what you can do or maybe the fact that am very pessimistic about the way labour is treated in my beautiful country and hate being a victim or my constant reflections on why i can't get employed and rightly paid for my other abilities that are non-academic like writing, or having a good and educated opinion on things, or party planning n organisation. Well i also dislike authority but who doesn't? maybe i will be well suited for self employment but then again that too has its predicaments. Its not that i would not like to get a job or am lazy okay maybe am a bit lazy but when i put ma mind to it i get things done. I guess its all this negative energy surrounding the job market and all this pressure and overwhelming interest in who has a job n who doesn't. Truth be told i would love to care about this job situation and all the hype but i don't.... i have been in school for 19yrs i deserve a one month break before i conquer the world and yes i will conquer the world but before that am going to enjoy soccer season, wake up late and sleep even later and gain all the weight i lost worried over a degree not lose some more worrying about a job. By the way wat does the bible say about worrying....DON'T.

WOMEN AND BEAUTY PRODUCTS

So on the weekend i was over at ma girlfriend's place and so as her girlfriend i found my way to the bedroom(we know no bounds). Anyway yeah the bedroom, nice place matched beddings and curtain, fresh, well lit but all those i noticed with a glimpse then viola the beauty corner. This gal had a three tier trolley full of beauty products. I as a human being began to note and judge, that is for skin lightening but she is light, oh now that soap makes you dark why does she own it, does she not notice that that tin is empty, ooooh God does she have that perfume hmmm wonder if she can agree to give it to me, uuuuuuhhhhhh is that gro-aid didn't know she had hair problems, look at the dirt in that make up brush does she ever clean it??? Well my mind run all these directions with just on glance. Then it occurred to me girl why are you judging first look at your own shit.
Well i went back home sat on my bed and looked at my own beauty corner, you would think am running a beauty shop: nail polish; used, unsed and dried up on, hair oils from 4 different manufacturers, shampoos; pantene, head and shoulders, johnson, soaps; exfoilating, black heads, mositurising, makeup; from rimmel, balck radiance l'oreal, mac all serving the same purpose, deodrants and perfumes and i was like damn!
Women love their product and thats just that, we may never use it but we find comfort in knowing that we have it. We have attachement issues that is why we never throw away anything. And that is my defence for why i never cleaned out ma beauty corner and as for why i judged my home girl well...am human best defence i can get. But as a progressive person who believes in growth i will throw away something once in a month okay no in six months...oh well i will throw away something once in a while.

SURVIVING THE CLAWS OF THE URBAN CITY

Today i was delighted to met a new acquittance, D , she is from Tooro and she has come to stay with her cousin P a good friend of mine. D doesn't know any luganda-which is like the trading and predominant language in Kampala-and she knows enough English to get by. She is a pretty and innocent girl but on meeting her ma joy was soon diminished by thoughts of what would happen to her in 5 years and if she will survive the dangerous claws of Kampala city. Will she survive being a side dish, settling down just for survival, get an education and if she does follow through on it? What will happen to her and will P protect her or propel her into the scandals lives of many girls such as her who come from the village to the city in search of a dream and a better life.
I am a good listener although am a better talker but i have heard of stories of girls who came with so much hope for a better life in the city but are met by the harsh reality. I know of a hairdresser who came from the village to live with her her sister hoping for a better tomorrow but on arriving to kampala she discovered her sister was a prostitute and to stay with her she had to join the trade because as the sister said to her "this that you detest so much pays the bill and helps me survive so do it or go back to poverty". In her mind her sister was an authority on life in the city so she followed her until she was rescued by a good Samaritan who introduced her to the beauty business.
This is the fact of life for some but i prefer optimism so i will hope that D survives the claws of the city.

ONWARDS ONWARDS...AM PUSHING ON

Yeah am back, i never really give up on things but as a self confessed procrastinator i often leave things hanging especially if they are not yielding expected results just like this blog. I put a hold on my blog heck it has only two followers one of whom is me..i love myself that much people and you should envy me if you don't(love yourself that is) ha ha ha. But seriously i had kind off put it on hold until today when i attended a media event for the 360 Network where someone spoke about blogs and blogging. Well a blog is an onlinejournal of sorts...i figure its like the diaries we keep at home, people read them but never tell us until they stumble upon something really captivating. So my blog might be read by many people God knows where coz its on the WWW and when they are captivated they will click that follow button as for now its onwards onwards for me with my blog.