I have been wanting to write this one for a while but this week has been weird, a mix of good and bad. I would look to stick my middle finger to the bad things as a true lady of course i can't utter the words F.U.or It but it is very much necessary sometimes. Well am not talking about vulgarities, well this one may be, am talking about adorning that middle finger on the left hand with a ring.
I have loads of girlfriends who have done all sorts of good and bad and got up to all kinds of trickery to get that engagement ring. The ones who faked pregnancies, the ones who actually got pregnant, the ones who have given ultimatum and the ones who went to the traditional doctor(yes a juju man, a witch doctor, a sangoma). Well i don't know why girls are so desperate for that ring and why they never learn. Seriously we have seen pregnant girls abandoned, witchcraft backfire, ultimatums go wrong and the false pregnancy manifest into a miscarriage or money to terminate it.
In my opinion ladies should use the statistics or whats on ground in there decision. Giving a man an ultimatum is like telling a kid don't touch inside the socket, he will definitely touch and you will be the one to suffer. Besides your giving him an out if he has been wanting to leave the relationship, why stick to one thing and miss out on the variety on offer and now on offer from his woman.
The 'i am pregnant' cry really this one makes me laugh. In fact i seat down and laugh at it with my boys. The man will do one of two things, if he is a cowardly bastard he will give you money to abort especially if he is married or you were his side dish. If he was raised right he would want to marry you and look after his kid but why buy the cow when the milk is free he will say give me ma kid and look after his kid and keep you there as a by the way. Now if you were faking and you have t get abortion money ask for a ridiculous amount and leave coz he ain't never gonna pop the question. Now if you have the latter and he wants his kid, sorry to say this but Bitch your in trouble.
Witchcraft, he he he he this is another laughable one though i have heard it works but why would you want to marry someone who is not themselves, am sure if they gave you your guy high on crack cocaine or weed or liquor and said voila get married you wouldn't cause he wouldn't be in his right senses and wouldn't be your boo but you would bewitch him into marriage. WOW. Women never cease to amuse me even as a fellow woman.
If a man loves you genuinely and you give him subtle hints and the communication lines are open and you both know the end goal is marriage he will propose. Ladies have a little faith in you man, though not utmost faith, keep dragging him to those wedding meetings, weddings and family occasions and love story movies to cement your intentions with him. If your not getting what you want move on, its hard but are you gonna torture yourself and waste your fine years on a ring that is as elusive as the lockness monster?
Sunday
WHEN U GOTTA ANSWER MORE THAN HELLO OR HOW YOU DOING!
I need to warn y'all this is not child friendly PG21. You've been warned.
Firstly how you doing? Great well yippe for you(in actuality i hate you okay hate is strong lets say envy you...am still jobless-tear tear and consequently money less river filled with tears).
Anyway now to the issues at hand, I was with some friends at a party..it all begins at a party don't it? Yeah so party and then comes Bathroom break and of course us girls do bathroom in packs just like lions or wolves hunting...unlike the animals that have a purpose, the trek to the bathroom has many purposeless members-not purposeless per se but according to the order of business purposeless..lost lemme break it down.
1.The am gonna make a call girl(probably to her insecure boyfie or to her other boo arranging a meeting)
2.The am going to smoke some weed girl(whom when you all look at her says 'i had a bad day don't judge' and if you want ama deal you we ain't friends on this)
3.The these heifers are not leaving me here alone i wouldn't mind but there are no cute boys to stick around for..let me follow girl.
4.The fashionista..gotta look good for the photos..opportunity to touch up the face her and lips.
5.The am really dying to pee girl..the only purposeful one in the pack.
Yeah so whilst in the bathroom its like a mini talkshow forum..all i hear is this guy, last time, lipstick, O.M.G so and so has come, that chic is oba loose then the bomb drop out of some corner PHONE SEX! Everyone including yours truly..(i never indulge in gossip but i like a good story) asks who where what how when. And then the story is unveiled by Gossip Girl(am talking about a girl who takes on the persona of the Tv show she knows everything about everyone). The story..well next time come party with me but the long and short of it was how difficult it is to have phone sex as girls and how easy it is for guys.
You know its phone sex when you gotta answer more than hello or how you doing. If you hear the oh so 'what are you wearing?' line its phone sex.
So we were wondering why someone would wanna have phone sex and how inconveniencing and awkward and violating it is....this made me proud coz it made me feel like we still got some african and some roots of culture in us, that conservatism or trad(for traditional)swag much as it be pseudo. Really what am i wearing?... am in a jean and t-shirt cleaning up and prepping for tomorrow or in the toilet shitting(y'all know you pick up your calls whilst in the shitter...accept! its only your screen and you). Then there are guys who want descriptions..don't ask of what, this ain't that kinda show but use you imaginations if you wish and then the ones who want you to yell and make animal sounds and call out their names in accents...mind you this is in your room which you may share with a roomate or a house with your guardians or parents. My mom for sure would come and beat the hell out of you if she finds you mooing on the phone if she finds you moaning on a phone well thats a whole 'nother tale the woman is catholic but she will employ Sharia law and besides how you gonna listen to yourself talk like that? Seriously!. It is indeed a man's world coz all females concluded that that stuff is hard and akward although in high demand especially with strangers or non-boyfriends. The female world i feel is more of the sextexter-sex texters than phone sex atleast for me and ma girls..it all uses phones i can hear the men say and achieves the same purpose but Men are from Mars Women from Venus and i got the 411-take it or leave it.
Am out for now, y'all can call me am not afraid of phones or to pick up a call coz of the phonesex thing but once you start what-are-you-wea.....THE NUMBER YOU HAVE CALLED IS PERMANENTLY OUT OF ORDER!
Firstly how you doing? Great well yippe for you(in actuality i hate you okay hate is strong lets say envy you...am still jobless-tear tear and consequently money less river filled with tears).
Anyway now to the issues at hand, I was with some friends at a party..it all begins at a party don't it? Yeah so party and then comes Bathroom break and of course us girls do bathroom in packs just like lions or wolves hunting...unlike the animals that have a purpose, the trek to the bathroom has many purposeless members-not purposeless per se but according to the order of business purposeless..lost lemme break it down.
1.The am gonna make a call girl(probably to her insecure boyfie or to her other boo arranging a meeting)
2.The am going to smoke some weed girl(whom when you all look at her says 'i had a bad day don't judge' and if you want ama deal you we ain't friends on this)
3.The these heifers are not leaving me here alone i wouldn't mind but there are no cute boys to stick around for..let me follow girl.
4.The fashionista..gotta look good for the photos..opportunity to touch up the face her and lips.
5.The am really dying to pee girl..the only purposeful one in the pack.
Yeah so whilst in the bathroom its like a mini talkshow forum..all i hear is this guy, last time, lipstick, O.M.G so and so has come, that chic is oba loose then the bomb drop out of some corner PHONE SEX! Everyone including yours truly..(i never indulge in gossip but i like a good story) asks who where what how when. And then the story is unveiled by Gossip Girl(am talking about a girl who takes on the persona of the Tv show she knows everything about everyone). The story..well next time come party with me but the long and short of it was how difficult it is to have phone sex as girls and how easy it is for guys.
You know its phone sex when you gotta answer more than hello or how you doing. If you hear the oh so 'what are you wearing?' line its phone sex.
So we were wondering why someone would wanna have phone sex and how inconveniencing and awkward and violating it is....this made me proud coz it made me feel like we still got some african and some roots of culture in us, that conservatism or trad(for traditional)swag much as it be pseudo. Really what am i wearing?... am in a jean and t-shirt cleaning up and prepping for tomorrow or in the toilet shitting(y'all know you pick up your calls whilst in the shitter...accept! its only your screen and you). Then there are guys who want descriptions..don't ask of what, this ain't that kinda show but use you imaginations if you wish and then the ones who want you to yell and make animal sounds and call out their names in accents...mind you this is in your room which you may share with a roomate or a house with your guardians or parents. My mom for sure would come and beat the hell out of you if she finds you mooing on the phone if she finds you moaning on a phone well thats a whole 'nother tale the woman is catholic but she will employ Sharia law and besides how you gonna listen to yourself talk like that? Seriously!. It is indeed a man's world coz all females concluded that that stuff is hard and akward although in high demand especially with strangers or non-boyfriends. The female world i feel is more of the sextexter-sex texters than phone sex atleast for me and ma girls..it all uses phones i can hear the men say and achieves the same purpose but Men are from Mars Women from Venus and i got the 411-take it or leave it.
Am out for now, y'all can call me am not afraid of phones or to pick up a call coz of the phonesex thing but once you start what-are-you-wea.....THE NUMBER YOU HAVE CALLED IS PERMANENTLY OUT OF ORDER!
Monday
ATTACHMENT DETACHMENT
So attachement and detachment disorders are real complexities in real life and people are affected by them. No this is not what am going to write about i ain't a psychologist but am just writing a disclaimer and notifying you of the seriousness of the issue coz am taking a lightness to it. Now back to business.
Big Bro Africa allstars ended and i was in a kind of lost phase..what to do now? It is really easy to get attached to things and people so i have found...I got to know all characters loved some strongly disliked others, the person i loved won and i jubilated and ululated and was shaking for joy..Now this is someone i have never met save for social media like facebook and a tv screen, when the tv screen went black coz the channel was shut down its like i lost someone and now am searching on facebook twitter google for whatever specks of life of the housemates outside the house...I CAN NOT LET GO.
So in my co-relative mind i thought if i can get attached to people in a box and glass with pictures powered by electricity then what about real life real people.
I will admit i can't let go of things both negative and positive..i still have and wear a t-shirt one of my mom's employees bought me in 1999...yes 1999 now don't judge some of y'allz closets still have scrunchies. I try to hold on to all relationships and i would rather forgive than fight. I am still friends with all my exes..no not friends with benefits but friends as in we care about each other and our life's progress. I will never forget my classmate who called me yellow eyes. To me i have issues with detachment/attachment but it is not unhealthy...and in my defense(yes am bringing in the court room drama)..my mom never throws away anything..we are a family of hoarders but not to life threatening circumstances.
Okay you don't buy my stories of my sanity and healthy levels of issues with attachment, let me disprove you with a story.
So i knew a guy we shall call Peter and he had a girlfriend called Jane..Now they were in love but Jane was so possessive..she would check his emails facebook insist that he make his posts about her introduce her to all his friends a process which she used to weed out her threats and none threats. At the end of the day he had no female friends no male friends with girlfriends no male friends who frequent bars. Peter felt fed up and dumped her...She stole his phone when he got a new one she tapped into it, she would wait outside his house and go to his work place. The height was an attempted suicide...now if you still think my minimalistic obssesion is bad i have no more stories for you.
I still don't get why we go to such extremities..i have heard of football fans committing suicide, lovers and fans..we are a very expressive species and the most intellectual species yet we still kill ourselves over mundane things.
I guess the brain is not the strongest organ but the heart...it gives life so it makes sense that it would be the taker of life and not the brain.
Big Bro Africa allstars ended and i was in a kind of lost phase..what to do now? It is really easy to get attached to things and people so i have found...I got to know all characters loved some strongly disliked others, the person i loved won and i jubilated and ululated and was shaking for joy..Now this is someone i have never met save for social media like facebook and a tv screen, when the tv screen went black coz the channel was shut down its like i lost someone and now am searching on facebook twitter google for whatever specks of life of the housemates outside the house...I CAN NOT LET GO.
So in my co-relative mind i thought if i can get attached to people in a box and glass with pictures powered by electricity then what about real life real people.
I will admit i can't let go of things both negative and positive..i still have and wear a t-shirt one of my mom's employees bought me in 1999...yes 1999 now don't judge some of y'allz closets still have scrunchies. I try to hold on to all relationships and i would rather forgive than fight. I am still friends with all my exes..no not friends with benefits but friends as in we care about each other and our life's progress. I will never forget my classmate who called me yellow eyes. To me i have issues with detachment/attachment but it is not unhealthy...and in my defense(yes am bringing in the court room drama)..my mom never throws away anything..we are a family of hoarders but not to life threatening circumstances.
Okay you don't buy my stories of my sanity and healthy levels of issues with attachment, let me disprove you with a story.
So i knew a guy we shall call Peter and he had a girlfriend called Jane..Now they were in love but Jane was so possessive..she would check his emails facebook insist that he make his posts about her introduce her to all his friends a process which she used to weed out her threats and none threats. At the end of the day he had no female friends no male friends with girlfriends no male friends who frequent bars. Peter felt fed up and dumped her...She stole his phone when he got a new one she tapped into it, she would wait outside his house and go to his work place. The height was an attempted suicide...now if you still think my minimalistic obssesion is bad i have no more stories for you.
I still don't get why we go to such extremities..i have heard of football fans committing suicide, lovers and fans..we are a very expressive species and the most intellectual species yet we still kill ourselves over mundane things.
I guess the brain is not the strongest organ but the heart...it gives life so it makes sense that it would be the taker of life and not the brain.
Saturday
VILLAGE LIVING NEEDED.
Hey Bloogerworld..been a while neh(a word i learnt from Big brother Africa i think its southern african to mean no or not so).
Well i couldn't blog coz i lost a tooth, a front tooth moreover. Okay, your allowed to laugh..who loses a tooth at 22..well duh! ME. How? well i was enjoying beef a little too much and since my parents fed me more juice than milk in my younger years calcium was lacking and my tooth crumbled like the buildings in 2007-2009 Uganda.
Talking of lack of Calcium i have come to the concluscion that Africans lack nutrition knowledge or should i say neglect the nutrition knowledge instilled in them.I being brought up in the middle class took a liking to the processed food and the break container had sweets and processed drinks splash anyone? chocolate wafers? and the occasional banana or apple. Forget packing eggs and brown bread and homemade fruit juice , you would be the class joke and the 'fake kid' and no parent wants their kid to be fake so even lunch time would have you buying chips and chicken or chaps or hot dogs or burgers(i see you saying hot dogs and burgers..yes we had those at our canteen coz i was privileged to go to one of those private schools where the students are king.)instead of the kitchen balance diet of rice, spaghetti, beans , meat, greens and a fruit. The middle class is the driving engine of many economies but its also the killer of much of the population as they house diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and other diseases especially in the youths in that category known as rich people's diseases.
Am not against money and enjoying life but am for healthy living(am sipping a 2 table spoon of sugar cup of coffee right now but as with all things one step at a time am taking one cup a day instead of three). The poor are poor but they live healthy lives, they eat their green leafy vegetables , energy filled carbohydrates and plenty of milk and water. In my mind whilst my brothers and i sit down to sweetened cereals and milk, eggs fried in ridiculous amount of oil and toast with thick lay on of margarine a kid in the village is sucking a cow's titty forgive me udder in fact let me correct my ignorance..has milked a cow and is drinking its milk and supplementing it with last nights leftovers or previously fried cassava or pancakes or bread.I don't wanna live in the village and i prefer my milk in that box at the supermarket well pasteurized and packaged but we should learn a few things from village leaving. Nutrition is not the only thing we can learn from the village..ever heard of village medicine ..Soothing Bath gel has nothing on bathing herbs...they are like 10in1 function wise from luck with men to luck with jobs and the in between..give me some of that!....Am not joking am serious have you seen me writting about a man or job yet?????????????(Forgive me again..i know your my humble readers not Dr.Phil)
Now i know your like yeah yeah why couldn't u blog with a broken tooth its not like we can see you. Well, answer is Image is everything even in the blogsphere..i was seeing myself and damn..your homegal looked like an extra for nickelodeon or home alone 1.
Well i couldn't blog coz i lost a tooth, a front tooth moreover. Okay, your allowed to laugh..who loses a tooth at 22..well duh! ME. How? well i was enjoying beef a little too much and since my parents fed me more juice than milk in my younger years calcium was lacking and my tooth crumbled like the buildings in 2007-2009 Uganda.
Talking of lack of Calcium i have come to the concluscion that Africans lack nutrition knowledge or should i say neglect the nutrition knowledge instilled in them.I being brought up in the middle class took a liking to the processed food and the break container had sweets and processed drinks splash anyone? chocolate wafers? and the occasional banana or apple. Forget packing eggs and brown bread and homemade fruit juice , you would be the class joke and the 'fake kid' and no parent wants their kid to be fake so even lunch time would have you buying chips and chicken or chaps or hot dogs or burgers(i see you saying hot dogs and burgers..yes we had those at our canteen coz i was privileged to go to one of those private schools where the students are king.)instead of the kitchen balance diet of rice, spaghetti, beans , meat, greens and a fruit. The middle class is the driving engine of many economies but its also the killer of much of the population as they house diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and other diseases especially in the youths in that category known as rich people's diseases.
Am not against money and enjoying life but am for healthy living(am sipping a 2 table spoon of sugar cup of coffee right now but as with all things one step at a time am taking one cup a day instead of three). The poor are poor but they live healthy lives, they eat their green leafy vegetables , energy filled carbohydrates and plenty of milk and water. In my mind whilst my brothers and i sit down to sweetened cereals and milk, eggs fried in ridiculous amount of oil and toast with thick lay on of margarine a kid in the village is sucking a cow's titty forgive me udder in fact let me correct my ignorance..has milked a cow and is drinking its milk and supplementing it with last nights leftovers or previously fried cassava or pancakes or bread.I don't wanna live in the village and i prefer my milk in that box at the supermarket well pasteurized and packaged but we should learn a few things from village leaving. Nutrition is not the only thing we can learn from the village..ever heard of village medicine ..Soothing Bath gel has nothing on bathing herbs...they are like 10in1 function wise from luck with men to luck with jobs and the in between..give me some of that!....Am not joking am serious have you seen me writting about a man or job yet?????????????(Forgive me again..i know your my humble readers not Dr.Phil)
Now i know your like yeah yeah why couldn't u blog with a broken tooth its not like we can see you. Well, answer is Image is everything even in the blogsphere..i was seeing myself and damn..your homegal looked like an extra for nickelodeon or home alone 1.
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